People often don't pay enough attention to body language. Body language and non-verbal cues can give you lots of insight into what the other person is thinking but not saying. It can provide you with insight into what type of relationship the other person wants, whether or not they're interested in you, and if they're being less than truthful to you. Here I'll explore all of these situations.
Get Some Background Info
First things first, know a little bit about your man. Find out about his personality and his culture. Some cultures attach different meanings to certain nonverbal cues. For this discussion we'll assume we're talking about an American male.
Be sure to look for patterns of behavior and be conscious of your own body language; as you'll also be giving off clues about your own level of interest.
Take location into consideration as well. The place where you have the encounter may influence body language. A formal event may illicit completely different body language than a public park.
Breaking Down Relationship Levels
So, what does his body language say about the type of relationship he wants?
Friendship: A man interested in friendship will make eye contact, but of limited duration. He will turn towards you sometimes, but not throughout the conversation. He will also be interested in what you have to say, but not overly interested.
The Fling: A man only interested in a fling will get too close too soon. He will come right next to you and invade your personal space. He will keep eye contact too long and may touch you somewhat inappropriately (i.e. stroking your face lightly or playing with your hair). If the man is not respecting your boundaries, he is more likely interested in a fling.
Dating: A man interested in dating will turn towards you during the conversation. He will look into your eyes longer than a friend would but not as long as the guy only interested in a fling. He will have big smiles that show he is generally interested in the conversation and you.
He's Into You: If he digs you he will look directly into your eyes and try and hold your gaze for as long as possible. If he is seated, his legs will be crossed with his foot facing you (this also means that he's turned on by you, by the way). If he touches you frequently while you're in conversation not only is he interested in what you are saying, but he's also very attracted to you!
Decoding Hand Holding
Your man holding your hand is always a good sign but, it is also an indicator of his level of commitment to you.
If he loosely cradles your hand in his and lets you pull it away without any resistance, he's not that emotionally involved. When a man feels close to a woman he tends to weave his fingers within hers. He also reaches for her hand at every opportunity he gets. If your man is doing this, it's a really good sign indicating that he feels very connected with you and isn't afraid to show the world you're his.
Palm-in-Palm Position. Not so good; this likely means that he doesn't want to get too attached and this is probably where your relationship stands as well. He is leaving himself an easy opportunity to pull away. He may have a fear of commitment and/or he could be using you.
He's Not Feeling It
If he is seated with his legs crossed, foot facing away from you this indicates lack of interest. If he is seated with his legs crossed, foot facing some other girl, then he's probably interested in someone else.
If he keeps his arms crossed when you are seated beside each other he's secretly screaming
"I am not into this!"
This guy is emotionally shut off to you. He doesn't want to share his life with you or probably anyone right now.
When a man isn't that interested, you'll see his eyes darting around the room when you are talking. He'll rarely make direct eye contact and if you do, he'll look away quickly. However, some men are easily distracted so if he starts watching television or a passer-by, this doesn't necessarily mean there's no interest. Instead remove him from the situation and see how he responds. Remember you're looking for behavior patterns.
If he keeps diverting his gaze, he is not focused on you or on your relationship. Moreover, if he keeps touching his hair or his face while he's talking he's trying to pull attention away from whatever is currently being discussed- which is a sign of discomfort on his part and he may be lying.
Final Thoughts
Sorry to end on such a sour note, but I hope these clues are helpful to you. While researching this I definitely noticed some things that could have been applied to my previous relationships. I hope you find this beneficial as well.
Other Articles of Interest:
10 comments:
Welps...Better to know these things right away...This list can help a woman decide when there are other questionable factors!
I hope so. I look at this as another way for women to reclaim their power in relationships. Men do give women a lot of signs and indicators as to where the relationship stands, sometimes we women choose to ignore them.
The only thing I think I would not check first is how the man crosses the legs. If he has been sitting a long time he may switch the way he crosses them purely for comfort. Maybe I would use the leg thing in conjunction with the other stuff. To me those are way stronger indicators. If he is doing this stuff and you read the signals right if he is actually interested it will force him to do more. Otherwise you have weeded someone out that you do not have to waste your time on.
What does it mean when a male friend starts holding your hand, but never makes a dating move?
I've had a puzzling flirting relationship with a man at church. For a while, we would talk during fellowship and he'd hold up his hand to connect with me, then we'd hold hands, or he'd just slip his hand in mine nonchalantly while we talked.
@Caligirl That's hard to say. -I AM NO EXPERT- but at first glance it would seem that he liked you but just didn't have the courage to make a move.
However, since you mention that hand holding is part of your fellowship and connecting on a religious/spiritual level it's harder to say. It could be more of a friendly gesture. If he were trying to get closer to you, I would think that hand holding would be jumping the gun, as I see that as something boyfriends do.
That's the best I can surmise from the information given. I'm not there with you guys and I don't know either one of you, so I can't say anything for sure.
Thanks for your reply. Hand holding is not part of our church fellowship. In fact we're a very conservative church that emphasizes purity between men and women in dating.
The man in question is really popular with all the women, but he guards himself carefully. Other observers say it's not typical for him.
caligirl94117,
I am so glad you responded to Z. I had written a reply but decided to see if you would respond to Z with more details. My reply at the time assumed that (1) he was an affectionate fellow that touches anything that moved (mean that in a nice way or (2) he could be interested but needs to scrape up the nerve. I will also assume that he is holding your hand publicly by your initial comments.
I was in a similar situation as a young woman while attending a very conservative Christian college. I allowed the PDA to go pretty far (not ungodly) where people thought we were dating when no discussion ever took place. I allowed it thinking that we would officially be in a relationship. After a pretty long time that never happened. We both graduated and he moved away. It took a while for me to get past that one. I was not as upset with him but with myself for letting things go on. He just apparently was not ready for a relationship for what ever reason. We reconnected years later and are friends but there is no chance of anything. From what I know he has never been in a relationship with anyone. If so he has never married. I see now that he would not have fit with me at all long term. I regret not saying anything at the time. It would have saved me some emotional turmoil.
I would wonder about the fellow you mentioned depending on how long this hand holding has gone on. My first thought would be that his actions are communicating interest in you to others that he is not verbally communicating with you. If this has just begun maybe it is not a problem. Since you said that he is popular with the ladies at your church he could be trying to get rid of someone that is showing an interest by making it appear that he is in a relationship with you when he is not.
I would NOT allow that to go on for very long, especially if your intention is to date and eventually marry someone. Other men that might be interested in you will probably leave you alone at this point. If you do not feel comfortable with this, after a reasonable period of time I humbly feel you need to say something. You could mention that you feel uncomfortable with his actions since you are just friends. That will let him know that in your mind he is NOT communicating that he is in a relationship with you TO YOU solely by his hand holding, that is if this is indeed what he is attempting to do. If he is interested that would be an opportunity to make his intentions clear to you VERBALLY. If not he should stop holding your hand publicly or privately. However I realize you would risk him leaving you alone. At the same time the mixed signal would concern me.
I humbly feel you need to look more at this than the man sending a signal to you, especially if you are getting interested in him AND since he is holding your hand publicly. You do not want to end up in a scenario where you do not know where things are going. If there is another man at your church that is interested in you this fellow is probably keeping him from approaching you. You really do not want that. It needs to be clear TO ALL that you are available for dating.
Thank you Pamela. I'm so grateful for your perspective. I'll come on over and read your blog too.
caligirl94117, Right now I am preparing for a 2-week trip to Paris in early September and planning a December wedding. A lot going on these days. I hope to post more on my blog in the future. It's one thing to post comments on a blog where the moderator has come up with discussion topics. It is another thing altogether to come up with those topics on a consistent basis for your own blog:) However I plan to start it back up again in the near future. I'm glad my comments helped. I just did not want to see a repeat of what happened to me.
Enjoy Paris, my favorite place on earth! Congrats on the wedding.
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