1. "All men cheat."
Not all men cheat. Men want women to believe that so if it should happen they won’t think that they have any other options in another mate. Women want other women to believe this becuase misery loves company.
2. "If a man has to wait too long for sex he'll eventually seek it out in other places."
Than he should go do that. If you're already bored in this relationship you probably weren't all that interested to begin with- and that's fine.
Think about this analogy: it takes your employer about 30-90 days to evaluate you and determine whether or not you're entitled to full benefits. Just sayin'.
3. Or the "Maybe if I got to know you better sexually I'd be more inclined to want a relationship with you."
Are we still in high school? I think that was the last time I heard that. Truly that's the mark of a highly juvenile, immature man.
4. "Freak your man to keep your man or he’ll find someone to do the things he wants you to do."
As author Maryann Reed states: you want to be with a man who wants to stay, not one you have to keep. If you have to fight to keep him, he wasn't ever yours to begin with. Yes, I think you should do the things your mate likes to pleasure him (as he should want to do the same for you), but it should come from a place of wanting to do those things, not from a place of desperation to hold on to something.
10 comments:
1,2 and 4 are repeated in heavy rotation.
The sad thing is that derivatives of point 1 is communicated in church teachings dealing with relationships and marriage. They do not endorse cheating but will basically teach that men are dog-like when it comes to sex. Basically that is all they think about and women who want to marry better realize that. I'm glad that there are some men that have good standards when it comes to sexual behavior. I would never date one that did not.
I have heard all of them, including 2. Run for your life if a man says anything like these four ludicrous excuses. It is one thing when it is agreed upon. However these lines are trying to force and control a woman using fear of him leaving in order to gain what he only wanted from her in the first place, her vagina.
I so totally agree with you. Oh and #1. You will not believe how many women have bought into that. Oh and they are not even married to these men, yet they still continue with the relationship. Some women even agree to marry their cheating man in hopes that he will stop cheating after they get married.
There are just no words for it.
"The sad thing is that derivatives of point 1 is communicated in church teachings dealing with relationships and marriage. They do not endorse cheating but will basically teach that men are dog-like when it comes to sex."
Wow Pamela,
I had no idea. That is sad. Why are men not offended by this? I mean it is like saying they are no more than animals.
I'm sure some men have spread this crap, but it's been my experience that it's women who give such advice to other women. I've mentioned this before, and it bears repeating:
I am convinced that most women, whether offline, in the blogosphere, or other sites, who give this sort of advice about men don't like men, let alone really know men. That's a serious problem. I wouldn't want good men getting advice about women from a misogynist (and I think most women wouldn't appreciate it, either). So why do women internalize such dribble from misandrists?
I've had to learn to be extremely discerning regarding advice on men from other women, mainly because I've assumed in the past that women have other women's best interests at heart, specifically on relationships. Yeah, not so much.
Yes sad to say in some Christian circles I have heard this. The inference is that men have no self control even though the Bible says that Christians have the fruit of self control. It has been so amazing to me. Basically it is up to the woman to stop men from being pig like because they supposedly cannot. I quit listening to relationship teachings because of nonsense like this. I do not know how the men have reacted to this.
Daphne,
I will have to agree to disagree about women giving advice about men.
I have been given bad advice by both men and women, but the really sound good advice that I have gotten has all come from BW empowerment bloggers like this blog, Evia, Halima, Sara, Pinky, Roslyn etc and countless others.
So I know there are women and BW more importantly who believe in true sisterhood. The existence of these blogs have made me believe and have been a lifesaver.
I suppose in RL it is harder bc you have to hunt search and vet for quality people who are critical thinkers and who haven't drunk the collective kool aide.
Thank you for the tremendous compliment Aphrodite.
Hi Aphrodite,
You said:
I have been given bad advice by both men and women, but the really sound good advice that I have gotten has all come from BW empowerment bloggers like this blog, Evia, Halima, Sara, Pinky, Roslyn etc and countless others.
I agree with you on the bloggers you mentioned. However, I never said that all women give bad advice. I didn't say that most women give bad advice. I said:
most women, whether offline, in the blogosphere, or other sites, who give this sort of advice about men don't like men, let alone really know men.
I was referring specifically to the women who've spread the type of things Zabeth referenced in the post. The bloggers you've mentioned have never given any of this advice, which I appreciate. They weren't even on my radar when I posted my comments, as they've always been life-affirming.
So I know there are women and BW more importantly who believe in true sisterhood.
Agreed. I was only sharing my experience as it relates to taking advice from other women about men and relationships, not making a statement about sisterhood in general. I don't even think the women who give poor advice are intentionally malicious - just disillusioned and misinformed. Others have different experiences, which I respect.
Zabeth you are welcome for the compliment!
And Daphne I am sorry about the misunderstanding. Thank you for the clarification.
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