Warning: "I'm Fat But You're Black" Syndrome

[Phrase originally coined by John McWhorter in his book Losing the Race: Self-Sabotage in Black America. It is used figuratively as a metaphor and is not meant to be derogatory or to imply that overweight people are automatically undesirable and should be excluded from consideration in relationships.]

There is a segment of the WM who date interracially population that believe that their whiteness is a trump card in a relationship. This is nothing new as these types of men have always existed. The I'm Fat But You're Black Syndrome is closely related to the I'm Fat But You're Asian and Don't Have a Green Card Syndrome.

WM who are afflicted with a form of IFBYBS typically have very little to nothing to offer ANY woman in a relationship (emotionally, physically, socially, or financially) and presume that the virtue of their whiteness alone is enough. These men would typically be classified as undesirable for marriage and relationships yet they believe that because they are white they are ENTITLED to the best of the best and the most desirable of BW and other minority women. These are the type of men who presume themselves to be unable to get a WW of similar caliber so they "settle" for a BW- BW presumably being of a lower social wrung.

You see people usually choose partners based on similarities. Similar levels of attractiveness. Similar levels of education and professional attainment. Similar soci-economic status. If you peruse the sidebar couples on the various IR blogs, this seems to be true. I am also not referring to older or less attractive wealthy men who may choose to be with younger, more attractive women as these men have something to offer these women (i.e. wealth, power, stability and influence). I am strictly referring to men who have nothing to offer a woman in a relationship other than the presumption that being of the majority group is enough.

IMO, these are DBR-WM that BW should avoid at all costs; and any BW who knowingly chooses to be with a man of this mindset- I believe- has some self esteem issues that need to be addressed. A healthy and stable relationship CANNOT be developed with this type of thinking. None of the White or Hispanic men I have had relationships with had this mentality. Granted things may not always be readily apparent, but it can almost always be sniffed out. Moreover, men who believe that they are settling in a relationship (i.e. I can't get the woman I'd prefer, but I can get you) are also more likely to be unfaithful. Not to mention the havoc this would reek on your self esteem and sense of self worth. Imagine living and sleeping with someone who thinks you're less than him?

This is only a warning and not meant to scare. Ultimately your relationship choices are your own but don’t assume that WM are knights in shinning armour and don’t trade DBR-BM for DBR-WM.