My message here: when it comes to relationships, don’t get caught up in rules- follow your heart, listen to your head, and pay attention to your instincts.
Sometimes I think women put too much stock into dating guides. These books can be very insightful and can shed light on situations and issues. But I also think they can be a crutch- spending too much time reading and not enough time taking action. You learn from interactions and mistakes, not from being prepared for what will happen.
After I had read The Rules and put some things into practice, I found that in actuality I wasn't being myself. I was being aloof and protective but I was so focused on what I was doing and what I should do next that I couldn’t enjoy the moment. It was a game. My dates didn't appreciate it, and I ended up really hurting someone. I was much more successful with men when I wasn't preoccupied on rules and making sure I was doing everything right. One of my good friends who broke all of The Rules (i.e. practically moved in with the guy after the 3rd date) is now engaged!
So turning a hypocritical page ;-) , on BFIM a proposal was made that we come up with a sort of Rules for BW. Here is my contribution to this proposal. These are “My Top 10” things I keep in mind when dealing with men:
- Every wife/girlfriend is a trophy. Every man wants to be with a woman he can be proud of.
- Dates breed dates, so see many men at one time (FYI...this doesn't translate into sleeping with many men at one time). You’re a free agent until he says “I love you.”
- Don't chase him. Give him his space and let him come to you first. If he wants you he'll call you.
- Don’t kiss (or sex) on the first date.
- Have a life, hobby, and goals of your own. Don't be boring.
- Put stock in what he DOES not what he says.
- Don’t reveal all your “issues” early in the relationship.
- Don’t accept last minute dates. If he can get you in fifteen minutes he’ll treat you that way.
- Stop seeing him if he doesn’t do anything romantic for your B-day, V-day, or anniversary.
- Never live with a man unless you’re engaged to be married. He won’t buy the cow if he can get the milk for free- this has been proven over and over again...Kim Porter...